Apologies in advance for the length of the story that follows. I tried to keep it as short as possible, but anything shorter would have been truly awful. I'm fed up with high school and classes. That's it! With or without my baccalaureate, I'm looking for a job! I ask my mother first, but aside from kitchens and administration, you need to have some medical training to work in a hospital. My father's side of the family doesn't have any openings, not even for the holidays. There will be work at my uncle's company, but only in a little over a year, after three colleagues retire. "In the meantime," he says, "you could just bring forward your call-up; that way you'll be exempt from military service. It's better that way anyway!" Having completed the necessary paperwork, I find myself in front of the recruiting officer. "Do you have any choices? " "Yeah! Balma or Francazal! " "A third one? " "Anywhere near Toulouse!" "You'll get your enlistment letter in about ten days!" What great news when I tore open the envelope: Melun?! - Is that in France? - Not too far from Paris! That's great, isn't it? - Great??? It's not that I'm shy, but arriving in a place I don't know from the inside out, sorry, from Adam and Eve, doesn't exactly put me at ease! Luckily, I'm with 40 or 50 other guys in the same boat. - The army is your only family! You're not just buddies, you're brothers in arms! If your brother falls, you don't abandon him! Even if you hate him! Because one day he might be the one to pull you out of the shit! Etc., etc... And the joy of being jolted awake by some jerk playing the bugle at 6 a.m., having to make your bed perfectly and get dressed to be at attention in 5 minutes. The pleasant kilometers of jogging before even the 4-star breakfast or the shower. The first weekend, apart from the bugle, is more relaxed. Including the joy of having to do push-ups naked in the middle of the barracks. -50 meters, it's not the end of the world!?!? Hardly! If only the guy didn't make a mistake and had to start from scratch! Hazing over, I'm now part of the family.We're in the same barracks, but we all started on different dates. I thought we'd at least be in the same class if we weren't from the same part of France. I especially remember Franck, the guitarist who entertained the whole barracks. And who sang in tune, too. Honoré (or Mamadou to his friends), the tall Black guy with the infectious laugh that cascaded like stones in a raging torrent. And Rémi. The odd guy who preferred to keep to himself most of the time. As thick as a SNCF sandwich and so tall you could hide him in a trouser pocket. Each of them has their own charm. But Rémi has something extra. During basic training, they try not to put us off the army too much. They give us moments of respite before the adaptation phase. Imagine my surprise when I saw the scrawny guy approach the group, for once, when I heard Franck playing and singing a song. About my father. He sat down on the ground a meter away from me to listen better. His gaze was fixed on the singer's lips as sad lyrics emerged. A deeper sadness shone in the eyes of the new fan. Putting down his guitar for a moment's rest, he dared to open his mouth. Not in his usual voice. "Who's this? " "Johnny? You didn't know him? " "First time I've heard him! It's the first time I've seen him with us for so long and of his own free will. And looking at him closely, he'd make a good afternoon snack if he were a little more robust." Another evening, he took the initiative, asking him to play him a Joan Baez song, an English title he mispronounced. "Do you know the tune?" He timidly began to sing. "Ah, yeah! Donna Donna! I knew the Claude François version. Another melancholic song."For a full day, we learn to read and orient ourselves on a topographical map. The next afternoon, we're taken to the forest in five or six trucks. After dinner, we're put back in the trucks to see if we've learned to read a map properly. Each of us has our own map, a compass, a headlamp, a sleeping bag, two rations for breakfast and lunch, and our courage. Everyone has to be at camp within 24 hours. Every hour of delay means a day of being grounded! I can hear the other trucks heading in different directions. After several kilometers and a few more twists and turns, we're dropped off one by one, alone. I find myself alone in the forest, at night, with my gear. I suspect the truck driving away isn't heading towards the camp. It's marked by a tent on the map. By the light of my headlamp, I try to see where I am. No landmarks. Okay, here I go. All springs lead to streams, streams to rivers, rivers to the sea, and the sea to the river. And there's a river not far from the camp. And springs don't flow uphill. I let myself be carried by gravity; I'll eventually find a watercourse. After probably an hour of falls and skids, I'm fed up. If I want to arrive in one piece, it's best to wait until things are clearer. I haven't even opened my sleeping bag yet when I hear a long cry. A mixture of rage and pain. I call out, but there's no answer. Five or ten minutes later, still standing and trying to see where the cry came from, I hear sobs, not far away. "Dad, today's the day I need you! Come back, Dad! Come back! " "Is anyone there? " "Oh shit, yes! " "Where are you? I can't see you! " "I'm coming!" With two of us, we'll manage more easily. I finally see a small figure in the dim light, searching for its way. "I'm here, keep going! " "Rémi? " "Who is it? " "Lilian!" And he starts sobbing again. He must be completely lost; he got down long before me, and he should be far away. "What did you do with your gear?" "I threw it away; it was getting in my way! " "And how are you going to sleep now? " "I was looking for shelter under a tree! " "On the damp grass, and your clothes are covered in mud?" "What else can I do? I'm not exactly a giant, and he's built like a matchstick. " "We'll use our clothes as pillows and sleep two to a bed! " "Doesn't that bother you? " "Are you stupid or what?????... Have you forgotten what we were told about brotherhood and helping each other?" Although I hope you don't have to return the favor!The last guy I spent the night in the same bed with was my roommate from boarding school. But this time, I'd better watch my step. We don't like fags in the army. And this guy, if I get into him, I'm sure I'll make him burn like a log! If we've kept our T-shirts on, we're just in our underwear. And our thighs are touching a little too much. I need to think about something else, quick. - You can say what you want, but I'm sure you saved my life! - If you'd yelled a little louder and longer, maybe your father would have finally heard you and saved you!?!? - .....he's dead! After letting out a long sigh. - Oh, sorry! Sorry Rémi! I meant to... - You couldn't have known! And it's over now! It's already been 7 years! "But... the other day, in the phone booth... who were you talking to? " "My stepfather! What a jerk, yeah! I really want to understand a little better, but I don't want to rub salt in the wound. I've messed up enough already! It's like he read my mind. " "My father and his friend went mountaineering near Chamonix. An avalanche... Then one day my mother remarried. At first, I was happy to have an older brother, but I realized they were both idiots! Then I had a little sister, and little by little, I was left out! I felt better with my friends than at home. So I tried to spend more time with a friend than with 'my family.' And he treated me like dirt too. So when my stepfather told me to get ahead of the call, I did." "That'll make you a real man," he said! Yeah, right! He just wanted me away from him, that's all! He remains silent, I don't know what to say, and then he bursts into tears. I can't think of anything else to do but rest his head on my arm, against my shoulder, and hold him close. "Cry as much as you can! You have to get it all out!" He didn't smell like roses, but I certainly didn't either. We fall asleep like that. I wake up not because I've slept enough, nor from an erection I was dreading, but from the warmth of his body wrapped in my arms. I try to free the aching arm he's using as a pillow, and he suddenly lifts his head. "Are you awake? " "How long have you been awake?" "10, 15 minutes! Maybe 20!" All that time and he wasn't bothered by me holding him like that???? After a few hours of walking, we found a small stream. If I'm not mistaken, the ...

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