I was in a relationship here for some time with a girl. I was 21 years old. The apartment, the cat, the studies (we met on the benches of the university) and the Mcjob next door. I was good in my couple, and in all sincerity, I sincerely loved him. But here it is... this desire has always been there, this desire impossible to drive out of her mind: a hand-to-hand combat with a man. I always knew that I was attracted to guys, kid already I had this desire. But when you are even a little ambivalent, you choose the easier side and therefore the straight view: why try the other side knowing all the hardship and the stigmatization that this can cause? Fear of rejection, of the unknown, of taboo?I contained that desire as strongly and for as long as I could. But too long silent, this repression was seriously starting to piss me off. Handjobs galore on gay porn. I thus refined my tastes, my preferences, and understood better and better the fantasies that I wanted to realize. And then one day, I started...A novice and clearly unfamiliar with meeting methods, it was finally on viva street that I lingered. Yeah it sucks… At the time there was a “gay dating” section based on a classifieds system. It was perfect for that shy and reserved me at the time. I could explore the terrain, the desires of other men, the way of writing his ad. The perfect tool to express my desires, while maintaining anonymity, and with the modesty that characterized me. It's ridiculous, I don't know why, but I didn't dare say that I was looking for a first time. Suddenly, my announcement only expressed my desire for a soft plan, to suck a guy. And so why not. I obviously wanted to experience both in stride as long as it was. But then again, I doA BOTTLE IN THE SEA.I received a packet of replies. But I don't think I took the plunge for a good month. Find the courage to get started. But above all, find the right partner. What first puzzled me about this “system” was the lack of effort the guys made in the way they approached me. Like a bunch of moldy emails, with two words written in abbreviated form: _slt! Jh act bien Cho Or the guys who interrogate you without making the effort to answer their own questions beforehand: _hi, what do you want? Which neighborhood ? You receive ? Pictures ?Frankly even today I find this kind of profiles unattractive. A quick aside guys: have the courtesy if you ask for pictures, or if you ask questions, send them first, and answer them first….In short, I finally exchanged a Skype with a guy who had absolutely not stood out from the pack… moment of weakness perhaps? Or was it my dick that decided instead of my too indecisive mind? Anyway, it was progressing.The dial is going pretty well and he convinces me that we put our cams on to see what we look like. I was almost shaking but accepted. More accustomed to it than me, the villain only turned on his cam after mine…I had been fooled. Anyway, a priori I liked him since he turned on his own a few seconds later. A quadra, rather beefy, chestnut. Very beautiful blue eyes, and a very charming smile. I knew right away that it would be him. I really wanted it. I explained to him not to be measured to receive at my place because in couple. He reassures me and offers me to varnish at his place. He lived at the other end of the city, and gentleman proposes to pick me up in his car. Delicate attention that hits the mark. We agree to see each other that afternoon. He picks me up. I can't go back no more, I will finally do it. I have my thrilling, real virgin. I was not as assumed and unbridled without today at that time. Very blue flower even.The ride is pretty quiet. We change a few expressions of politeness and banalities. He allows himself from time to time to put his smart on my thigh and caress me. It gives me chills all over. But I'm unable to show him any interest/desire in return. The car parks, we arrive. Right in front of us a high school .. What was my surprise when he finally reveals to me to be CPE of this same school and live on the top floor of a small four-storey building within its walls. A little embarrassed to set foot in a school again. And panic to be surprised or unmasked by a group of teenagers with little brain development. Back to reason, it's school holidays and for me. It's' Elsewhere, it was a pleasure for us to fit this meeting into our respective diaries. I therefore relative and think as we show the stairs that the originality of the place had something exciting. His profession also excited me quite a bit for once. I, who had made the four hundred blows when I was a teenager, saw myself in full realization of an old recurring but never realized fantasy: that the little thug that I was getting caught by a member of the teaching staff and that he takes advantage of me by abusing his authority. Well, it was all in my head, there was no question of that during this meeting. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter. I therefore relative and think as we show the stairs that the originality of the place had something exciting. His profession also excited me quite a bit for once. I, who had made the four hundred blows when I was a teenager, saw myself in full realization of an old recurring but never realized fantasy: that the little thug that I was getting caught by a member of the teaching staff and that he takes advantage of me by abusing his authority. Well, it was all in my head, there was no question of that during this meeting. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter. I therefore relative and think as we show the stairs that the originality of the place had something exciting. His profession also excited me quite a bit for once. I, who had made the four hundred blows when I was a teenager, saw myself in full realization of an old recurring but never realized fantasy: that the little thug that I was getting caught by a member of the teaching staff and that he takes advantage of me by abusing his authority. Well, it was all in my head, there was no question of that during this meeting. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter. I, who had made the four hundred blows when I was a teenager, saw myself in full realization of an old recurring but never realized fantasy: that the little thug that I was getting caught by a member of the teaching staff and that he takes advantage of me by abusing his authority. Well, it was all in my head, there was no question of that during this meeting. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter. I, who had made the four hundred blows when I was a teenager, saw myself in full realization of an old recurring but never realized fantasy: that the little thug that I was getting caught by a member of the teaching staff and that he takes advantage of me by abusing his authority. Well, it was all in my head, there was no question of that during this meeting. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter. No role-playing, nothing too abrupt. He puts the key, opens the door and invites me to enter.WE'RE ALMOST THERE, IT WILL FINALLY HAPPEN.The apartment is rather spacious, beautiful bay windows let the Sun shine through. Everything is tidy, it's clean. The environment helps to feel a little more comfortable. He offers me to sit on the sofa. He sits next to me on my left and sticks his horn leg to mine. We exchange a few more small talk. I am very tense. He caresses my thigh to weigh. He does not take additional actions to intensify the contact. The silence... I don't know what we were talking about anymore... In fact, we shared the same obsession and the rest didn't count: we're going to fuck. He stares me straight in the eye, his hand continuing to roam my leg. I dare to put mine on his. I dare not direct it towards him. Always this silence, always this reciprocal modesty. He smiled at me, and I instantly understood that his reserve was just a rather clever ploy not to rush me, and also to ensure my final consent. Looking back, I'm not sure if it was benevolence, or if he was just dreading being snubbed. It is therefore up to me to undertake the next maneuver. I feel sheepish.GO FUCK, GET STARTED!!!I put my hand on his chest and kiss him. Everything that was going to happen from now on will be analyzed and dissected in real time. But I wouldn't say that these thoughts are parasitic, or even that they deprived me of fully enjoying this moment. On the contrary, they brought me the satisfaction of finally being able to tick off those fucking boxes on my to do list. All these things I've been fantasizing about for years, inventing a thousand scenarios, a thousand situations, and I must admit, with at least a thousand different partners, but it's common to everyone I think to intellectualize a new experience while living it. Perhaps to different degrees of course. How ironic to discover that ...

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