What follows isn't a sex story. But I'm going to pretend I'm talking to my therapist. I need to get this off my chest so I can move on without looking back. And I apologize in advance. I've had quite a few successes in my search for sex. With older guys and even younger ones. But I've also had quite a few failures. Like with Jean-Eric. The son of a cop. Very, very cute! Who often dressed in white. Almost transparent. I realized over time that he was unconditionally straight. He was the most beautiful of all my failures. Before him, by going to see my friends in Empalot, I started making friends in their neighborhood. Just friends. And I met Max. A blond guy with green eyes. Who lived with his mother. Like me. We hit it off, and I found him more and more attractive. Even though he was two years younger than me. One day, I was walking my neighbor along to take some groceries to his grandmother's house, about a hundred meters away. We were waiting at the bottom of the stairwell while my friend went to see her. We were talking quietly, and, glancing up the stairs, Max grabbed my waist and rubbed his genitals against mine for just a few seconds. We heard a noise and quickly moved away. Why did he do that? If it was just a joke, why watch the stairs, and why did he move away before we were seen? A question mark lingered in my mind for several days. Two or three days later, Max had to drop something off in his basement. I went with him, and as he bent down, I grabbed his hips and pretended to be having anal sex with him. "Don't be an idiot," I said, "there are always people down here!" Three seconds later, a dad came down just as Max was closing his basement door. He wasn't wrong. A few days later, at the start of the Easter holidays, I showed up at his place. Another friend answered the door. I went in and saw three other friends laughing. Max was still in his underwear and nothing else. And a guy of 17 or 18 that I'd never seen before. It was the first time I'd seen Max practically naked. Very arousing. He barely said hello, but offered me hot chocolate or tea, which I politely declined. I grabbed Simon aside. "Who's this guy? " "He said he's his cousin!" I looked and looked, but I couldn't find a trace of a family connection. But it was possible! My heart felt like it was in a clenched fist all morning. Until Max's mother came in,a little earlier than usual.The guy gets up and heads for the door, right in front of the flashes of anger in Max's mother's eyes. "You're not dressed yet? It's almost noon! Come on, kids, it's time to eat!" I watch Max's little bottom head towards the bathroom. Not even a nod, and she closes the door behind him. "Who's that guy? " "I don't know! He said he's his cousin! " "Why did he leave without saying hello to his aunt? " "I don't know, I didn't notice! " "That's true! You should have seen the way she looked at him!!!" It's thanks to the Malagasy guy that I met Max, even though I didn't notice anything between them. One day I learn that they've had a fight, and not seeing my three friends, I decide to wait on the walkway leading to Max's house. He arrives first, and when he sees me, he freezes. I see fear ...

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